Letter to a Friend, a Personal Testimony

This friend had a post stating she was depressed. I had first replied that I was sorry she was depressed, and I cared about her, and not to be the definition of insane: repeating the same pattern but expecting different results. I then proceeded to write the following letter to her:

I don't know what may be happening in your life right now, but I know what it is like to be depressed. I am sorry that you are sad right now about things. I have had to go through alot, and know that I will have to go through alot more before my life is over, but I am finally REALLY happy with where my life is right now. That doesn't mean it's perfect, by any means, it just means that I have found purpose. I too, wanted a different result and had to be the change to get a change. I have changed but I know I am not all the way there yet. I have had to change just about everything IN ME, but it is helping me become a person that I enjoy being. Now, I don't think that I was a bad person before, but I also really wasn't the person that I wanted to be. Now I know this is gonna sound crazy but please read the rest with a completely open mind and heart.... After I came back from Florida (which is a whole other conversation but really is how I was able to start changing), my husband and I started going to church, Church on the Hill. Now, my husband hasn't ever been a "church" person, I was always open to it. But he was the one who wanted to go, so of course I went too. This is NOT your typical traditional church for sure. They don't have crazy snakes or anything like that but they do allow you to be YOU and come as you are. When we went I felt awkward at first, but that was because I already had stereotyped all the churches around here. But as we MADE ourselves make that a part of our routine, like taking a shower I realized that we were accepted as we were. They weren't "vultures" they weren't better than me, they were just accepting. I have learned so much. I wasn't raised in any church or a church family or anything. I am not better than anyone else, other than the person I used to be, I am NOT perfect, I screw up daily, sometimes hourly...sometimes seems like all the time. But I finally found a place that still accepts me, screw ups and all! It has helped me think about things differently, it has helped me do things differently (again I still mess up). I used to think that church was a place for a group of holy roller hypocrites to meet to basically gossip and build themselves up to think they were better than anyone else. Unfortunately that is true of so many churches I have went to or people I know that say they are Christians. But this church is different. Even Jason, he said that Church on the Hill is home, that when he enters he says to himself, "ah, finally, this is home". The transformation in him and me and our marriage has been incredible. Now some may say I got "religion" or I am a "holy roller"; religion is not what I am or want,  to me too many people have religion, but that is it, all they have is a belief in  God, a routine of going to church every Sunday, and that's it. This started as a decision to make ourselves go to church, but it wasn't long before it became less of just a routine and more about a life change. I have met so many there that were discriminated against at other churches and here they have a place to be themselves. Even the pastor will say that church is great, that it is important to surround yourself with other believers, but if all you have is church then that's not much help. He says that church is not the door to heaven, only Jesus is. He puts things in such a way that it is like "duh, why didn’t I get that before”. Anyway, I am not trying to sound like I am preaching to you; I just wanted to share some of my story with you and how I was able to start changing. A person may try to force you to go to church, but I agree with the pastor, that alone wouldn’t do anyone a bit of good. So, with that being said, you are always welcome to come to church there (or anywhere of course), but I am still here as your friend and care for you whether you ever go to church or not. I just don’t do all the activities that I used to do.

Faith

Faith is your concrete sidewalk,,,, if you don’t actually walk out on it, then it does you no good. You have to step out and know “the rock” will be right there under you to catch you.

Be Real with God

Be real with God, after all He knows what you’ll say before you say it. He knows your heart. Saying it aloud shows your faith and love.

To be Child-Like

How better to remind yourself of how children “really” are than to surround yourself with little ones? When you are a parent your child will say or do something and you think you’ll never forget, that it’s so impressive (funny, sad, special somehow) that you’d never possibly forget all those precious milestones. Now, some of you may be better than others about writing things down, but no matter how good you are you can’t get every second written down. In those present moments though, you felt that unconditional, complete, indescribable love. As time goes the memories fade, some memories will be easier than others to recall. Parents may recall different memories or maybe share some together. But as the vivid memory fades, so does that impressionable feeling you had in the moment. As you recall the memory also recall the feelings that went along with it. Surround yourself consistently with little children, so that the likeness of a child within you doesn’t have the opportunity to fade. Jesus loves the little children, calls them, and yearns for them. Take it from Him; there must be something to it if such a wonderful King desires to be surrounded with children. Those are His chosen ones. We must humble ourselves and surround ourselves with them so that we should never forget how to be a like a child. After all, aren’t we calling ourselves children of God, not babies of God, not adults of God, not brothers, sisters, or cousins of God?? So, if we are ALL His children, why separate from them? Leave childish behavior (immature) behind, keep your child-like ways of complete trust, faith, and calling things as you see them ways (being honest), etc… If you put ten 4-year-olds together, how long do you think it would take for them to make friends? To play? To fight? To forgive? What would they fight over? Now, same scenario just put ten 13 or 14-year-old children together, what about 18 year olds, 25 year olds, 40 year olds, or even 60 year olds?? Answer the same questions about all age groups. We should, no matter what age, be comfortable with ourselves. We should be quick and eager to make friends, play, and forgive. We learn not to fight about silly things, but it seems that is the constant in your toddler years, teenage years, etc.., and we leave behind the qualities we should keep near and dear like making friends, playing, and forgiving. If you, even if it’s not too often, spend time with children you have a greater opportunity to remember the great qualities they have and we’ve lost, and to love others as Jesus does.

1 Cor 10:31-11:1

1 Cor 12:27

2 Cor 3:1-6

Mt 18:1-5, 11:25, 19:14,

Luke 18:16

Psalm 8:2

Mark 10:13-16

In Matthew and Luke when babies and children were being brought to Jesus, the disciples were trying to send them away; to turn them down as if they were a nuisance, undeserving, a bother to Jesus, but Jesus—He not only told people to be like a little child, that the kingdom of God belongs to the ones who receive God like a little child.

Standardized Mold

We are not standardized mold. God made a brand new mold for each of us. Therefore, each of us needs to be treated as such. If we are to be pressed into a standardized mold, it will hurt, we will loose part of ourselves, we may eventually fit, but at that point we are not us anymore, we are just some standardized package from someone’s production line. We need to be treated as the individual special package that God created us to be. He loves us the way we are or else He would have created the mold differently. We are just as we should be. This is why what works for one does not work for all. Yes, there may be sporadic moments that we find some commonality, but that is temporary because we are all different parts of the vine and body and eventually we are separated, different, so that we may fulfill our places as God’s children. We have to try and pray daily not to get caught up in the minute things that snowball into trying to fit everybody into a certain mold. This pertains to so much from outer looks to inner feelings. Mohawk, purple hair, piercings, tattoos, dirty clothes, suit and tie, fancy car or clunker, being chaotic or organized are all various things that help make us fit into our own molding God created. What? You don’t agree? Okay, who do you think you are to agree or disagree with God? He is the creator, the Judge, learn your place. Don’t try to make yourself a god. You may not see it that way, but it you are more focused on appearance, actions, routines, traditions, or take your pick of things. If you are more focused on these things than anything else, then you are taking God’s time up---and for what??? Your focus, time, and energy should be focused on God, let Him be the one to worry or think about how others act, look, etc.. Reflect on this: when you look around at people what are some of the first things you notice or think to yourself? Be honest and keep a short journal for a few days, some may only need one day. Now, you HAVE to be honest with yourself, because God already knows, so denying yourself the truth is only hurting yourself. Once you write down the honest first thoughts when you see various people (strangers or not) look over it. So, what kind of person are you? Are you looking at them with love or with judgment? Are you looking at them and seeing God’s child or are you already putting them into a standardized mold? If you do it honestly you will be disappointed in yourself. Remember you are human and you do sin, you can be forgiven, but remember that the only way to continue to have growth and a closer relationship to God is to continually self-reflect and self-evaluate and we do not always like what we see, but we stop allowing the devil to steal, kill, and destroy by putting our focus back on God and our relationship with Him and how He wants us to be. Don’t try to be better than someone else. Only try to bet better than the “YOU” you used to be. The “YOU” that the world tried to make you, start becoming the one God has already created you to be. Get back into your own mold; that is after all where you will fit best.

Remember your Place

Remember who we are doing this for. We are not doing this to please another person. We are not doing this for our church or our business. We are not doing this to prove something to our neighbor. When we try to “prove” something to another we fail. We fail because when we try to prove something we are basically telling them we are better than them, that they are doing it wrong versus us doing it right. And after all, we are all sinners daily. We are simply to allow the power of the Holy Spirit to be released through us and poured out onto others. We are to please God by being the one He created uniquely individual and reminding ourselves He is our “Boss”. He is the reason we do what we are doing. Don’t allow yourself to be caught up in doing a good job because the more you put into it the less space you are allowing the Holy Spirit to work. By keeping yourself and thoughts and actions out of it you are allowing the Holy Spirit to completely take over and it is when you allow the Holy Spirit to completely take over you allow Jesus to work through you for God’s work. It is simply your job to allow God to work through you and not at your discernment but you have to completely submit to His authority to be truly successful for Him. He will love you absolutely no matter what, but if you want to make him a little happier then just collapse in His arms and allow His breathe to be your breathe and His body to be your body and His words and actions to come out of you for others to meet Him. Others may not have ever known Jesus or maybe they just haven’t been around Him lately. If you stand in the way you are keeping them from His Glory and His insurmountable love for them. They need His presence and you are to be the connection point for their “hook up”. Whatever happens or does not just know you have done your part by allowing God’s work to be done. Don’t get caught up in thinking people have to make a decision or give you the reaction you want. Remember this is not about what you think or what you want, this is about God’s plan and His ways and His timing. But WOW! Praise God! You actually get to be a part of it! Glory! How amazing that YOU have been chosen to do such a task for the glorious King, so please be obedient to Him, not your flesh. You hold the answer to someone’s prayer and when you don’t submit to the Holy Spirit you keep the answer to yourself and they must wait until someone else comes that is going to be obedient to God’s word.

Flowers in Bloom

Think about it like a flower. When does the flower grow?? Does it grow before the rain storm? No. Does it grow during the rain storm? No. Does it grow AFTER the rain storm? YES!!! In order for growth and maturity to happen, it must endure the rain storm, and then finally after the rain has stopped will the flower grow. You too, must endure “rain storms”, only afterwards may you grow and mature. You must not think about the drops that are hitting you during the storm, you must soak it all in, you must perceive the end results. You must have those things that are being dropped on you and beating you up in order to go further. Think about a flower again. You may plant a flower that needs a lot of water and sun and it sprouts up and is just starting to blossom: there are three ways it can go- 1) if it was planted where the pounding of the rain never hit it, then it would just wait and shrivel up and die- 2) if it was planted where the pounding of the rain did hit it, but it gave up and wouldn’t withstand the pounding rain and strong winds, then it would die- 3) if it is planted where it had a routine rain shower and strong winds, and it persevered, then only AFTER enduring the storm would it become a full blossom. The rain helps give it life, helps it shine vibrantly, gives it strength in the stem, leaves, and petals. The strong winds that try to knock it down, but actually make the roots grow deeper and stronger, enabling it to become more stable for the next storm and growing into an area of soil that is more nutritious. So, whether you see a storm coming, or are amidst a storm, you must let your roots grow deeper; your foundation become stronger; brace yourself by leaning on God’s words, perceive the end result and allow each storm to be your “enabler” to grow and mature--- in order to fully blossom. You see, if at any time before the end of the storm you just let go and allow the wind to carry you, if you think that just because you have roots (they may be shallow roots), and/or you have even spouted from the ground that this is it, this is all there is to life; then YOU are not allowing yourself to fully bloom. If you have tried everything to make it through the storms but feel like a failure, then do this-make the constant effort of relying on God without giving up on Him make sure that God is your brace in the storms. For He will NOT ever give up on you. Remember to use His words as a way to brace yourself during the storm, and when you have blossomed it is THEN you need to be there for God, to be a living testimony of His power. Too many people are too busy “blaming” God for their storms, not ever realizing that God is right there beside them the entire time enduring those storms with them, that He is there to help, all they need to do is recognize Him, trust Him, and have faith that He will help you get through the storm. Back to the flower (or a plant) and the various places it can be planted. Different flowers need different things. Some flowers need more rain than others, and some flowers need more sun than others. Some flowers only bloom once a year, others may only bloom once, and yet some are in their full bloom all the time. These flowers (plants) must be planted in exactly the right spots according to what will help them ultimately have the best opportunity of blossoming. We each have also been planted in specific areas in order to have the best possible chance of blooming. Some of us are planted in areas that have more storms to endure, while others may be “house plants” and be in a sheltered environment. We need to realize that we were not planted in their environment because what their needs are can be very different than our needs. The results that both are striving for may be the same; to prosper, to grow, to blossom, but you must be planted in the location that is giving you what you need. If you were transplanted to a place that didn’t provide the correct amount of rain and sun for you, then you would not blossom fully and would die. Just as flowers/plants blossom differently, we too blossom differently. We can not compare ourselves to a flower that is in full bloom all year and think we are not “good enough” to always shine vibrantly, just as a flower that is in full bloom can not compare to one that only blooms once a year and say to themselves “Why do I always have to be the shining example, why do they get to rest and I don’t?” It takes all kinds of flowers/plants to make nature a magnificent show of God’s artwork, just as it takes all kinds of people to make the world a beautiful place. Remember that you have your own needs, strengths, weaknesses, purpose, that you must not waste time or effort to compare yourself to others, you must brace yourself for whatever storms YOU have to go through knowing that in the end it will be exactly what you needed to reach YOUR potential.

Focus

It all comes down to FOCUS. We have all been unconsciously focusing on offense. We all offend; we all are attacked by offense. Some try too hard not to offend people that it’s what we end up doing. We either say something and our words offend or we say nothing and our silence offends. We, as humans, are this way. Some of us realize this and we focus too hard on “offending” and lose focus on God and our work for Him.

We, white people, are afraid to offend, so we don’t speak of race.

We, Christian people, are afraid to offend, so we don’t speak of Jesus.

We, ministers in church, are afraid to offend, so we don’t speak the harsh truth.

We don’t speak for FEAR of offense….for pushing those “others”, who we really want to have intertwined with us, away. We focus on not “pushing away” that we keep ourselves “shut-up” or closed, which doesn’t allow the “others” to enter either. Thus, they turn to search for those who are open. We want our work for God to be easy (which when your FOCUS is right, it can be because He is all that is in our sight and He is glorious). We want to feel open, welcoming, ease, and we want to feel the same-accepted by “others”. But, in fact, we are not the same and for very good reason. For God needs us to be different and special for His plan. Then Satan deceives us into focusing on those differences to become offended. Whereas focusing on God gives Him the opportunity to use those differences for a perfect plan. It is not “easy” to keep our focus on God, it is a choice, a decision, an effort on both parts of “others”.

The whites must choose to make an effort and decide to speak.

The blacks must choose to make an effort and decide to hear.

Both knowing race should not be the focus, it shouldn’t be the words of race that are being heard, it is choosing to hear what God wants you to hear. God promotes peace, satan wants you to hear the racy words, be stumped on them and be offended, so you don’t listen to the rest---you don’t listen to hear God’s message!

The Christians must choose to make an effort and decide to speak to ALL of Jesus.

He may only need you to speak the Seed of Truth. He will take care of the rest.

The ministers of the church must choose to make an effort and decide to speak.

Satan will make you question things, it is then your choice as to which course of action you will do.

We need to open all of ourselves to God. Keep Him as the only FOCUS, allow the Holy Spirit to fill us and if we “humans” do this (black:white; Christian:non-Christian; minister:congregation; boss:employee; man:woman; Catholic: Baptist; rich: poor; bully:bullied; popular: non-popular; etc..) when we learn to do this we are completely open (open arms, ears, eyes, heart, mouth, spirit, every pore of our body) we then allow God’s word to flow through the Holy Spirit out of all those openings into the “others” openings where their Holy Spirit receives. It is in this flow we can unite as a heart beat. Boom-Boom, in-out, give-receive, it is in this flow that we are truly in the flow of the blood that runs thru the body of Christ and gives life to that body. It is then we realize we are dependant on our differences and ability of creating this flow to finally awaken the Bride. It is our flowing blood and rhythmic heart beat that is poured into the Bride to then give the Bride life and it is then she will arise!

We continually make the choice to make an effort and decide to FOCUS on God. He knows the plan. For it is all God’s word, not the “others’” words.

A few passages that also came to mind were:

Psalm 56:11

Proverbs 16:3

Isaiah 41:10

John 14:18—when we are as one in the blood, the blood is our perfect love-we are focused on God, working hard together to awaken the Bride.

Thessalonians II 3:5

·      We must have “others” we must stop ourselves from allowing satan to use diversity in a negative way. We must use diversity to accomplish God’s work. We must have unity of ALL God’s children. Diversity is NOT just race. It is also cultural, social, denominational, etc.. Satan will try to use diversity as a way to “divide” “separate” be offended and closed off. God will allow diversity as a way to be “special” “different” be talented where others aren’t. God needs us to be diverse to reach ALL His people. God wants us to come together united as His children to realize being diverse is wonderful and to learn from each other; promoting peace and wisdom. Satan wants us to believe we are different so we don’t belong, that we are so different that we can’t be a child of God’s; that our differences make us unacceptable to “others”. When the fact is God’s word--- we are ALL His children and our differences are not just wanted and welcomed, they are needed and treasured. God wants you to use your “difference” to make a difference.

I Want to be your Painting!!

Just as an artist can paint a beautiful picture and people admire the artist’s work because it shines. They give glory to the artist and his creation. The picture reflects the artist. Let me be your painting and reflect you, Lord. Let your creation be unveiled and dusted off so others can come and admire YOUR work and YOU!!

Differences??

We’ve been focusing so hard on trying to NOT point out our differences, to ignore that in us that make us different, or whatever it is that separates us. We try so hard not to dwell on these things because we want to reassure ourselves that we are united- we are one. After all, how can we all be one if we are all so different? We are all one because we are all made in His image, we are of Christ. He is our one true consistent. He, in us, is what unites us; makes us one. We need nothing else to make us one. We DO NEED to point out our differences. Not just to point them out, but to embrace them. Like small children, each unique, each with a different abilities, we must find what differences each child has (thus, pointing it out) then guide each child on his/her path to mold that uniqueness so that they can excel in the area that they are naturally gifted (thus embracing it). A person can excel in any/all areas, but each has a certain niche they can skyrocket if that difference/uniqueness/talent is practiced and rehearsed. So, let’s stop looking at diversity as a negative way of dividing to separate and start realizing our diversity is a positive way to unite the world as a better place. This is a way to help live on earth as it is in heaven!!

Biodiversity- the degree of variation of life forms within a given ecosystem, biome, or an entire planet. <variation of life forms on Heaven/earth>

Diversity Scheme- A method for improving the reliability of a message or signal by using multiple communication channels. <improve reliability using multiples>

Multiculturalism- acceptance of multiple ethnic cultures. <acceptance>

To divert

         di-diameter

vert-  to turn

Turn from the direction we are going, accept our differences, and unite to improve to make life on earth as it is in heaven!!

Like a Candle

We are the wax in a candle. God is our container (and more—but for this we are using the container as an example). With His sturdy foundation we are held up. We are formed in His image. We are molded into the specific container that we are made for. Without the container, we wouldn’t be. Jesus is the wick. He is in us, in our core. The wick is between the container and the wax (at the bottom), the ground. The wick goes all the way, in our core, to the top and beyond. The fire, well the fire is the Holy Spirit. Let the Holy Spirit light you up! Now, no two candles are exactly the same. Sure, maybe they have the same aroma or color or label or price, but if you really look there are still differences between them. If you look at two Wal-Mart brand vanilla candles—maybe one wick is higher, maybe one candle has bubbles, maybe discolored a little. There is a difference! Now, once we understand God is the container, the foundation, we are the wax (all a little different), Jesus is the wick, He is our core, and we have let the Holy Spirit light us up, then we release our sweet aroma and it spreads into the atmosphere! Just like candles on a birthday cake, our lighted wick can be used to light up others. Let the fire spread! Just think about it, if we were all lit up and everyone’s aroma was spreading, it would be a “sweet world”!!